a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
