Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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