If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Sorry about my life...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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