Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
