WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
