I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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