the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
