There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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