Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
