a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I have tasted many bathrooms
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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