Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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