***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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