i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
