So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
