is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
