I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
