don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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