even my farts smell like vagina
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
she peed on how many people?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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