Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
