i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
there was a trapeze. enough said
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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