I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
