a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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