does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
