two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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