Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
