So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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