it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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