Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
