Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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