Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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