for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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