i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
