smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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