I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Man, jail baloney is awful.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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