don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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