After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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