I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
