once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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