Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
