you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
