her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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