I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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