Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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