Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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