Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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