Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
