go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Send help, water and tortillas.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
