We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
