All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
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you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
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Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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