everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
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If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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