I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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