she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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