apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
