I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
