:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
