moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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