Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
