I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
