Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
