we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
